"Good fences make good neighbors"... or so they say.

There is a saying back in the U.S. which goes, "good fences make good neighbors"... which you really come to appreciate once you are living here in Tokyo. In a tiny cramped place, infested with millions of people, and very little if any personal space, the residents of Tokyo have developed ways of assuring that they don't impede on other people's coveted-yet-few private spaces. It has taken a considerable passage of time but it has become a way of life so ingrained that it comes as second nature, innate, intrinsic. This is not always the case for every resident of Tokyo however.
     As a result of my travels in this beautiful country thus far, I've noticed there seems to be a much more concentrated amount of foreigners living in Metropolitan areas like Tokyo and Osaka. With them come a whole host of their own intrinsic behaviors, ideologies, and mores from their respective home countries/cultures. This can be good for adding a richness of variety about the world usually. However, it can be one helluva difficult (read: out right meiwaku - problematically troublesome) experience in the cramped confines of personal spaces in the shoe-box sized living spaces of Tokyo. Enter in the rental living sharehouse situations for foreigners.
     Trying to find reasonably priced living space to rent in Tokyo as foreigner that aren't too ghettofabulous or slummy can be akin to finding a unicorn. Companies like the one I rented from for a year take advantage of the great need in the market. For the sake of somewhat anonymity, lets call the company I rented from "Ume House". 
     Ume House has very strict rules for living in their properties so as to try to maximize harmony among people living in their run-down, mostly dilapidated buildings. At least 5 times on their rental contract they have you sign and mark with initials, before handing over your keys, is their very strict policy about not smoking inside the buildings. As a non-smoker I appreciate the rule and was only mildly irritated the gazillionth time they mentioned it to me because it inferred they would be very diligent with this for their smoking renters obviously. Cool! Or so I thought.

     Fast forward a few weeks after moving into my shared room when my new roommate from China moved in. (I should preface this story with the fact that I knew my smarmy room was a share room but chose it not only on its economic factor but also because it was only classified as a shared room based on the shared entrance which was on my side of the room. It was conveniently separated by a sliding glass door and curtain between both living areas which assured some modicum of privacy for both inhabitants.) The far part of the glass door which was on my side of the door track was always closed as it served as a sort of wall. The part on her side she could close after arriving home and thus allow her the privacy of having her own room. Which for the record she only closed one time while we were living there.

     One day after arriving home on the last train following a very long day at school as I walked into the front door, square in the genkan, I was greeted with the smell of cigarette smoke. The further I walked into the house and its common areas the stronger the smell got. When I opened the room to my bedroom I encountered the highest concentration of smoke smell. Smoke can trigger my migraines so I opened my window to the outside and went to bed. The next day a few of my flatmates asked me if I smelled the smoke last night, quite angry about it. I concurred and told them I thought it was my roommate. I didn't make a big deal about it, figuring maybe she had also had a long day the day before and thinking it was a fluke. A few days later while I was sitting at my comp and working on a 10 page paper due the next day she came home, went into her room, did not close the dividing door (as usual) and began to smoke. I was floored!! Oh no she did not! 
     
     Trying not to be "THAT American" and knowing I have a bit of a short-fuse at times when people are being inconsiderate/rude/careless I though better of confronting her on it. Rather I took the wa, peaceful, yet passive-aggressive high road and opened the door between our bedroom and the rest of the house. Certainly one of them would smell it, come to inquire about it, then I could point them to her direction. I also texted my neighbor and told her about it hoping she would come say something about it. No luck. All of my clothes, towels, and linens smelled of smoke and being a non-smoker I was quite angry. I had to wash all my things to remove the smell. a few more times I came home late and the room smelled. Finally I'd had enough. Out of respect for others including my roommate (who clearly had not thought of ours) I didn't confront her. Knowing I may end up jailed or kicked out of the country if my temper got the best of me I opted for another passive-aggressive means and wrote a letter to the management company questioning them about their no-smoking policy in light of my roommate's several smoking in a shared room violations. I thought this method was a more "Japanese" way of handling things. I believed it would be more diplomatic and peaceful to let them handle it.

     What the company did was very un-Japanese in my opinion so again I was floored. They sent me a letter saying they would call and write to her to ask her to stop smoking. They said if she had been smoking she would be kicked out. I didn't want all that but I did want the smoking to stop. Well, when my roommate got home she came to the kitchen where I was eating dinner with my flatmate and told me Ume House had told her that I wrote a letter to them complaining about her smoking and that she needed to apologize so she was. I was embarrassed, caught off guard, and trying hard to ebb my anger at the company throwing me under the bus like that. I muttered something like "its ok, no worries" and returned to eating my meal. 

     Here I was in Tokyo when something so un-Japanese happened. I wonder if my roommate had been Japanese if something like that would have happened. The smoking or the confrontation. I doubt it, but I still wonder. None the less, it all could have been avoided if she had taken the time to consider someone other than herself. Maybe it is my bad for not considering her desire to smoke... but it was in our shared room and the rules of the place were clear on that measure. If only she had closed the dang door in-between us on her side. Maybe it's my fault for not closing it but had I done so, I feared it would have seemed rude and I'm trying to be less rude-American. Here I have come with my own upbringing, ideologies, customs and mores to Japan where I have tried to adapt but clearly not all those here are doing the same.